Waiting and decisions

Croyde Bay, May 2017

Blogging has taken a major backseat over the last couple of years, mostly because so much has happened.

In my last post, back in December, I'd said I was hoping to move this year. That happened in April and I now live in Bristol. I'm enjoying living here and it feels like I've always been here. The sad part is that my boyfriend isn't here yet, his Masters is taking longer to complete than expected so I moved here on my own, with the help of a couple of friends.

I'm now at a point in my life where the waiting is almost over (it's only been almost a year!) and I have decisions to make. I've recently left my job because of bad management and I don't know where to go next. There's the possibility of a job near Reading but that would mean moving again. I'd still like to go travelling but, at the moment, I couldn't afford it. I feel like I can't make any big decisions until my boyfriend is here and we can discuss things, so I'm unsure whether to take the next couple of weeks off and wait until he's here. I feel that would mean I'm being really lazy though, as I would've had a month off! Maybe I need to see it as a rest and recovery period.

A friend told me about the book 'What colour is your parachute?', which I've ordered. It's a book to help you find out what sort of job would match your interests and likes. I'm hoping it will give me some ideas!

This has undoubtedly been the hardest year of my life but I hope from next month everything will be ok.

Flowers and tomatoes in the garden, August 2017

This year has been...

A roller coaster... happy and sad, amazing and emotional, full of loss but also gain, with lots of tears as well as laughter and smiles. So much has happened over the last year that I don't even know where to start! Maybe the beginning is a good place.

The year started with me feeling happy, happy with my weight loss from the previous year, happy with all the changes I'd been through and to have finally started a new chapter in my life. I got a job so it was time to start putting myself first. I met someone last year, then didn't see him for months but met again at the beginning of this year. He is the most amazing, kind, caring man I've ever met and although we've had a rough first year, it won't end here!

Then there's my dad who became ill in April and deteriorated a lot in September. He isn't the same man now as he was and he's unlikely to get any better so that has caused the most sadness. Our family dynamics have changed because of this too.

I've lost a friend through a rumour but have also gained friends, you find out who your real friends are when you need them. My amazing man is so busy working and doing his Masters that we don't have much time together, that has been really hard while my dad has been so ill.

This year I've learnt to make the most of the time you have with people and not to take them for granted. To appreciate, secure, love, support and help those close to you.

The thing that's keeping me going is that, hopefully in April the Masters will be finished and my amazing man and I can start our lives together properly and do all the things we've talked about. I'm looking forward to moving next year and finally and definitely putting myself first.

The past stays in the past, the present is for living and the future is for planning.

Christmas won't be the same this year, we won't have the hustle and bustle of the family but I'm coping because I have to. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and New Year.

This year has included lots of walks, sunrises, sunsets, hot chocolate and cakes, a birthday party, a Christmas party, Christmas bowling, a trip to Weston-Super-Mare, a trip to Bristol, a trip to Southampton, my sisters wedding but my favourite thing was our first weekend away to Brighton.

Things are falling into place nicely...

Hello again! 

I haven't blogged since November and I've missed catching up on what you've all been up to. 

You may remember this post from July about feeling lost, well... a lot has happened since then! I made a major decision back in June, that has changed my life and since then, apart from a short period of feeling quite low, things have just got better and better! This change means I'm more confident, happy, positive, outgoing and assertive.

I joined the gym in July and lost four stone in six months, which is a major achievement that I'm very proud of! I have started going out more and have made new friends, some of them are now close friends that I wouldn't want to lose. I've also lost a friend through something I said, which I still feel upset about and an old friend has come back to me. I've spent the last couple of months catching up with old friends too. My nan now has carers coming in to help her, although she hasn't met one she likes yet!

As if all of these changes aren't enough, I've got a job with British Gas! After being a carer for so long and being out of full time work because of that, this is going to be a big change. I start next week as a Trainee Smart Meter Expert, I'm really looking forward to learning something new and working! I'd thought about applying for this job 18 months ago, after a friend who'd worked there, talked about it. The situation I was in at the time, made me feel that I couldn't do it but after my lost friend said he was training to be a gas engineer, I thought 'I can do this!'.

It has been quite hard with my nan since I told her I was applying for this job, but me not being around is something she'll have to get used to. Another thing that may be on hold a bit longer is the travelling I mentioned here. I definitely still want to travel but when it will be, I'm not sure.

One of my new friends said "Sounds like things are falling into place nicely!" and they really are! After five years of putting off this major change, I finally feel settled and happy with my life, which is such a good feeling! This year is about focus, learning, being challenged and new beginnings.

Cake, cake, food and more cake!

Family time

Hello! I hope you are all well in blogland.

I haven't been around much but my life is good right now and things are getting sorted so I'll try to do an update soon.

Last Friday my sister was visiting so we all went out for dinner. This is my niece's dessert creation!

Plans

My friend bought me this journal quite a few years ago and I haven't used it... until now! 

So... I know I said I was going to have a blogging break but I wanted to document this, that way I can look back and if my plans aren't coming together, I'll give myself a good talking to! 

I am getting there with all the things I've got going on but it has made me think a lot about all the plans I had. The main one being to travel but that has been on hold since 2008... a long time on hold! The reasons it has been on hold for so long is because I lost my job back in 2008 and had a tough time getting back into work then I went to college and although I've been looking for work and applying, it's really hard when you've been out of work for a long time! The other reason is because of being a carer for my nan, I didn't really feel that I could leave her as the rest of the family work or have families of their own. I know there are other options for her, I just need to look into it and discuss it with her.

The other plan was work... in all honesty, I thought I had it sorted and knew what I wanted to do. I had planned to go to University to study Midwifery, I've done the Access Course and I'm volunteering in Maternity at the hospital but after everything that's happened recently, I'm not sure now so that's another thing to get sorted! 

One good thing to come out of what has happened, is that I'm finally getting fit! I started swimming about six weeks ago and now I've joined the gym, I can't say I love it or that I feel pumped when I've been but it is good to be getting fit!

When I was at college, I met someone that I lost contact with when I left but we've recently met up a couple of times. He's made me realise that life is too short not to do the things you've dreamed of and that I need to be happy and get on with my life without always putting other people first. He is travelling for the summer so it's made me think about travelling even more!

My travel plans included visiting my Great Uncle in South Africa and doing the working holiday visa in Australia. I can't do the working holiday visa now... too old! I'm not 100% sure where I want to travel to yet but these two places are still very much on my list.

I have wanted to do this for so long, so now is the time to get a job (it is hard though!), read the travel guides, start making proper travel plans, maybe find a travel buddy although most people I know have families of their own (I feel a bit scared about doing it on my own!) and generally getting it sorted!

The travel guides I've collected over the years, mostly from charity shops.

Thinking...

Feeling a bit lost...

Hello lovely bloggers,

Here we are on the hottest day of the year so far and half way through the year. As you will have seen, I haven't blogged for a while. I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment, there's lots going on in my life right now, it's not all really bad but some of it is upsetting. I'm sure I will be fine, just need some time to sort myself out but I think I will have a blogging break for now.

I have still been looking for highlights most weeks and I had some written down, that I didn't get round to writing up. These included taking my niece and nephews to Paultons Park, going to the Harry Potter Tour, my cousin giving birth to twin girls, a couple of Birthday parties, going on holiday, seeing a band and meeting up with old friends and having a really good laugh!

Paultons Park

Harry Potter Tour

Harry Potter Tour

Harry Potter Tour

40th Birthday party

Weymouth

West Bay

I really hope to come back to blogging at some point this year and I will try and keep up with all your blogs too.

I hope you all have a lovely summer, whatever you're doing!