This year has been...

A roller coaster... happy and sad, amazing and emotional, full of loss but also gain, with lots of tears as well as laughter and smiles. So much has happened over the last year that I don't even know where to start! Maybe the beginning is a good place.

The year started with me feeling happy, happy with my weight loss from the previous year, happy with all the changes I'd been through and to have finally started a new chapter in my life. I got a job so it was time to start putting myself first. I met someone last year, then didn't see him for months but met again at the beginning of this year. He is the most amazing, kind, caring man I've ever met and although we've had a rough first year, it won't end here!

Then there's my dad who became ill in April and deteriorated a lot in September. He isn't the same man now as he was and he's unlikely to get any better so that has caused the most sadness. Our family dynamics have changed because of this too.

I've lost a friend through a rumour but have also gained friends, you find out who your real friends are when you need them. My amazing man is so busy working and doing his Masters that we don't have much time together, that has been really hard while my dad has been so ill.

This year I've learnt to make the most of the time you have with people and not to take them for granted. To appreciate, secure, love, support and help those close to you.

The thing that's keeping me going is that, hopefully in April the Masters will be finished and my amazing man and I can start our lives together properly and do all the things we've talked about. I'm looking forward to moving next year and finally and definitely putting myself first.

The past stays in the past, the present is for living and the future is for planning.

Christmas won't be the same this year, we won't have the hustle and bustle of the family but I'm coping because I have to. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and New Year.

This year has included lots of walks, sunrises, sunsets, hot chocolate and cakes, a birthday party, a Christmas party, Christmas bowling, a trip to Weston-Super-Mare, a trip to Bristol, a trip to Southampton, my sisters wedding but my favourite thing was our first weekend away to Brighton.

Things are falling into place nicely...

Hello again! 

I haven't blogged since November and I've missed catching up on what you've all been up to. 

You may remember this post from July about feeling lost, well... a lot has happened since then! I made a major decision back in June, that has changed my life and since then, apart from a short period of feeling quite low, things have just got better and better! This change means I'm more confident, happy, positive, outgoing and assertive.

I joined the gym in July and lost four stone in six months, which is a major achievement that I'm very proud of! I have started going out more and have made new friends, some of them are now close friends that I wouldn't want to lose. I've also lost a friend through something I said, which I still feel upset about and an old friend has come back to me. I've spent the last couple of months catching up with old friends too. My nan now has carers coming in to help her, although she hasn't met one she likes yet!

As if all of these changes aren't enough, I've got a job with British Gas! After being a carer for so long and being out of full time work because of that, this is going to be a big change. I start next week as a Trainee Smart Meter Expert, I'm really looking forward to learning something new and working! I'd thought about applying for this job 18 months ago, after a friend who'd worked there, talked about it. The situation I was in at the time, made me feel that I couldn't do it but after my lost friend said he was training to be a gas engineer, I thought 'I can do this!'.

It has been quite hard with my nan since I told her I was applying for this job, but me not being around is something she'll have to get used to. Another thing that may be on hold a bit longer is the travelling I mentioned here. I definitely still want to travel but when it will be, I'm not sure.

One of my new friends said "Sounds like things are falling into place nicely!" and they really are! After five years of putting off this major change, I finally feel settled and happy with my life, which is such a good feeling! This year is about focus, learning, being challenged and new beginnings.

Cake, cake, food and more cake!